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Tuesday Tidbits
 Well yesterday the lady next door called and said I had a duck in my driveway. I said "what kind of a duck?" She said a live, full grown duck and it was drinking rainwater out of puddles on the driveway. I grabbed my camera and headed out the back door and had to shoot through the chain link gate. I tried to move closer but it decided to leave at that point. The other day I had a raccoon in the back yard. Do I have a sign on my house that says ZOO?
Bummer, my physical therapist says the results from the second MRI didn't show any pinched nerves either. Now what? Guess I will go ahead and see the neurologist in April. I am taking my daughter with me. She is one of those people who demands an answer of some sort! And she is getting really tired of me not being able to go and do things with her and the kids.
Duh, I won something!!!! At my favorite hometown grocery, every 21st person checking out got to draw a ticket from the box and I got a gallon of Borden milk.
Did I tell you that when I fell I broke my eye glasses in half and then one of the lens fell out. Well I waited till my face went down and I looked a little better and I went back to my optometrist and asked for some rubber frames. Guess what! My lens and frames were still under warranty. Usually they check on things like that and my warranty usually had run out 3 days before the accident. What good luck. I got them back today at NO CHARGE. Speaking of the fall, I went to the dentist yesterday and they did some more work with the laser and on my lip also. The dentist said I had an infection in there so he put me on some antibiotics to help clear it up. I was wandering why my lip was so sore and still hurt when all my other 'owies' have healed up. I still had this little knot on the inside and they had worked on it the last dental day and it helped but they had more to do. Wonder why a doctor doesn't do something like that? I want to say I am ashamed of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences who intentionally did not mention Farrah Fawcett at the Oscars memorial section the other night. They mentioned Michael Jackson, who was only a singer and not Farrah who had 19 movies and was a member of the Academy for 40 years. The picture here is my son and his Farrah poster when he was about 12. He got all kinds of requests for this photo after she died and it was even in a magazine.
A woman's week at the gym!
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. (author unknown)
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my husband purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
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MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
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TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door... Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Butthole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
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FRIDAY:
I hate that demon Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
__ ______________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
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SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
Copy this and send to a friend who needs to laugh. We all need a good laugh
Dooce.com blog author joins HGTV
 Heather B. Armstrong of dooce.com is widely acknowledged to be the most popular “mommyblogger” in the world. She has more than 1.6 million followers on Twitter, and was recently named by Forbes Magazine as one of the 30 most influential women in media, along with Diane Sawyer, Kelly Ripa and Oprah Winfrey. She has been profiled in the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times, and she’s appeared as a guest on Oprah, The Bonnie Hunt Show and CNN. Armstrong is the author of the 2009 New York Times bestselling book, It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita. Armstrong lives in Salt Lake City with her husband, Jon Armstrong, their two young daughters, and two dogs, Chuck and Coco. Check out her current post on HGTV.
Snuggies For Seniors
While it may sound silly up front, it really is a serious effort. If anyone would like to contribute, click on the button above to help with the cause. Or please donate some Snuggies to needy nursing homes in your area.
Chapter 2
Monday I went to the dentist (previous planned appointment) and was greeted by his staff with looks of deepest sympathy as well as the dentist himself. Now I must tell you this was the very first time I have had laser cleaning. They deaden one quarter of your mouth then proceed to get rid of everything bad in your mouth. I have always had a problem with tartar. While she was in there she went ahead and lasered my wounded inside lower lip which she said was in need of help. Remember that was where my teeth went when I fell.
Tuesday was the day for the MRI to see if I have a pinched nerve that is causing my right foot to disappear. I took a walker since I had a long way to walk from where I had to park and way down the hall from check in, to where they have the MRI machine. I knew I would never make it with my bad back and my fear of falling again. Even though I feel like an old, old lady with the walker, it sure helped me get where I was going. I loved the lady who wanted to help me open the office door while trying to maneuver the walker through. When I said thanks but I can manage she said she guessed I was used to doing that. I wanted to scream, no I am not used to doing this, I am just tired of smashing my face into the cement! Thank goodness my appointment was at the end of the day and there weren't many people around that area of the hospital.
The following day was PT day. They are really nice people. Two lady therapists own the place so that was interesting. She really said until they find out why I fall, about all they can do is help me strengthen my foot and right leg. I hate it when they do lots of things on their table then tell me to do similar at home. I have no bed hard enough for that and if I get on the floor, it takes me half an hour to get up again. That leaves the couch which I have to share with the cats bed and doesn't give me room to stretch out. Thank goodness several of the exercises can be done in a chair which is my forte anyway. I will go back tomorrow before my doctors appointment.
Today was hair cut day. The place I was going last Thursday when I fell. My beautician told me she bent down in church to get something off the floor and hit her nose on the pew but she didn't look anything like I did. Last week must have been the week of the 'shiner'. Most of the scabs have fallen off or I have knocked them off scratching. A bottle of vitamin E liquid can do wonders.
A nose dive........
OK, here's my latest trick. Thursday I was leaving the house to go get a haircut when I fell down my two stairs from porch to carport. I fell face first right into the cement driveway. As I laid there with my nose bleeding a river, I at least realized my teeth were still intact. My glasses were broken in half and had pretty much stabbed me on each side of my nose. I could see my cell phone, got hold of it, called my son to come quick and rescue me. He only lives about 6 blocks away so he got here quick. He got me upright, grabbed a towel for my bleeding nose and helped me into the house. I am glad he is a graphic artist instead of a doctor as he did mention that it was too bad I didn't get my glasses at WalMart since they only cost $38 there. I did manage a snicker even though I felt more like crying. I also realized I had put most of my teeth into my bottom lip, scrapped the skin off my face under my nose and that I had a grapefruit size bump on my right hip. I must have hit that on the step. Meanwhile my son was on the phone to one of his tennis buddies, a general surgeon, to see what were the signs of a broken nose.
Needless to say Friday morning I was a really scary sight! I looked like a MAC truck had hit me, and a little like a Pug I had once. I have red and blue half moon circles under each eye, a cut across the bridge of my nose, a red bruise on my forehead, the scrape under my nose and the largest bottom lip I have ever seen. I got into my doctor and he informed me I had not broken my nose but I sure have bruised it. I loved the fact that he warned me I could look forward to, due to my age and my looser skin, all that bruising running on down my face to my chin. I did experiment a little with powder on my face to cover some of my bruises. It helped a little but I don't think I have enough makeup to cover all this. I fell because I sometimes feel my right foot is just not there and it puts me off balance and you might know I ALWAYS fall flat on my face. My doctor sent me over to some PT folks who are going to teach me better balance and how not to fall or maybe catch myself. (guess I am not the only person who falls) Then I have to go get an MRI and see if there is a nerve being pinched that makes my foot go away. That is the weirdest feeling!!!..especially when I know what is coming next - BLAM.
Funny but I am wearing my old glasses and can see better than with the broken ones. Maybe I jolted my sight when my head hit the pavement. I am definitely going to look for rubber frames. I cannot believe how much my nose hurts if I happen to touch it. So to finish off my story I certainly advise you to carry your cell phone with you everywhere you go, in case you need to call for help. Hey, that's what I can invent, a wrist bag for my cell phone.
Oops! Did I Tell Everyone That?
 Posting information to social networking sites about when you're not at home has some risks. Have you even thought about what you are doing when listing so much personal information on Facebook and Twitter? As I was reading about this I also thought about bloggers who are telling everyone when they are going on vacation or to meetings. Have you thought about who is also reading your blog besides your friends?
In one 10-minute period, Please Rob Me presented 289 "new opportunities" as the site listed people who had checked into places such as work, the airport and the supermarket and posted their location on Twitter or Facebook. They said their site was started for fun and to let people know how dangerous it can be to tell the world your every move. I know we get a little free with the information we pass on to others but maybe we should be a little more careful in the future.
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I want to say I am ashamed of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences who intentionally did not mention Farrah Fawcett at the Oscars memorial section the other night. They mentioned Michael Jackson, who was only a singer and not Farrah who had 19 movies and was a member of the Academy for 40 years. The picture here is my son and his Farrah poster when he was about 12. He got all kinds of requests for this photo after she died and it was even in a magazine.
